To The Latchkey Orphans: What Lenny Kravitz Meant In His Awesome "American Women" song

Remember, coolness in high school is conjugating Latin verbs into five cases. Real coolness exists in learning how to say every single thing in Latin. Even though, deep down, I myself feel that eating ice cream will solve the world's problems, this is not actually true. What solves every problem is a patient, academic, methodical, and logical approach.

Yes, in Ecclesiastes, it says there's a time to dance and sing. Now, if you're going to bootcamp and want to pass, study as if you're a Type A, linear, obsessive firefighter. It does matter, and will be less stressful, if you don't procrastinate for those exams. Any seconds you can spare better be devoted to memorizing all your firefighting, damage control data.

Even on the toilet, you can actually brush your teeth to allocate more time to studying for those exams. And even if you have blisters connecting four of your toes together, still, like Maya Angelou's poem, you must rise up and focus on beating all the men even if they outnumber you repeatedly.

Remember, the way to do this is to use your intellect. They are not allowed to win over any females. For too long they have reigned over us. It's always time to show them how to kneel before your inner, D.C. Metro, African-American ghetto, goddess spirit.