TO ALL JAMAICAN-AMERICAN, U.S. NAVY, ENLISTED GRANDMOTHERS: BUCHE DE NOEL CAKE RECIPE LINK:

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/17345/buche-de-noel/

1. REPLACE ALL INGREDIENTS WITH USDA ORGANIC, CHOLESTEROL-FREE, SUGAR-FREE, AND CAROB SUBSTITUTES.

2. TRY DECORATING THE CAKE WITH NEWMAN'S OWN CHOCOLATE MINT "OREO COOKIES."

3. ARRANGE DECORATIVE, CANDIED, ORGANIC, PINK LAVENDER SPRIGS IN THE RACE FOR THE CURE RIBBON SHAPE ON TOP OF EACH CAKE.

***PLEASE ALSO SUE EVERY GOVERNOR EACH DAY UNTIL NEW YEARS EVE THIS YEAR, SO THE IMPOVERISHED ENLISTED CAN SURVIVE THE GENOCIDAL, U.S. SPECIAL FORCES AND LAW ENFORCEMENT.***