TO F.B.I., N.C.I.S., AND C.I.A.:

ALL SCHWAN FOOD DELIVERY, AND THE UNDER ARMOUR CORPORATION'S I.T. PERSONNEL, SUBCONTRACTORS, TEMPORARY EMPLOYEES, INTERNS (PAID, AND UNPAID) WILL NEED LEGITIMATE DRUG-TESTING AND RETINAL-SCANNING. PLEASE INCLUDE INTERNATIONAL BACKGROUND CHECKS ON EVERY SINGLE PERSON, INCLUDING ALL FAMILIES, CURRENTS, EXES, AND ROOMMATES.