TO ALL FEMINISTS: JEWISH FEMINIST, RED VELVET-CHEESECAKE-TIRAMISU BREAKFAST CASSEROLE:

INGREDIENTS:

EINSTEIN BAGELS' RED VELVET BAGELS, CHOPPED INTO CROUTON PIECES, 1/4" CUBES WITH TWO MEAT CLEAVERS, OR ONE DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD

EGG WHITES, PUREED WITH FAT-FREE COTTAGE CHEESE, STEVIA POWDER, TIA MARIA COFFEE LIQUEUR, AND MASCARPONE CHEESE

***SAY TO YOURSELF THREE TIMES, OUT LOUD, WITH A MICROPHONE, "STEP ON A SIDEWALK CRACK, AND MAKE EVERY MALE RAPIST TAP OUT, IN YOUR SIGHT," WHILE RE-SHARPENING YOUR MEAT CLEAVER COLLECTION FROM PACIFIC OCEAN MARKET***