TO ALL LATCHKEY ORPHANS:

REMEMBER, IF YOU GET HAZED INTO AN ILLEGAL ASSIGNMENT, IN THE U.S. MILITARY, WHERE YOU'RE DROPPED OFF AT AN ARCTIC, OR ALPINE CLIMATE, THERE ARE STILL WAYS TO SURVIVE. TO SURVIVE THE COLD, UNTIL BEING RESCUED, YOU SHOULD DIG A TRENCH THE SIZE OF YOUR BODY, LAYING DOWN.

THEN, HEAT ROCKS IN A CAMPFIRE, AND BURY THREE FEET OF THEM, BELOW THREE FEET OF DIRT. THIS WILL PREVENT HYPOTHERMIA IF YOU LAY DOWN ONTO THAT, ESPECIALLY WITH A WIND-RESISTANT TEEPEE OVER YOUR BODY.

TRY TO KEEP AT LEAST A DOZEN, EXTREMELY SHARP BRANCHES, TURNED INTO SPEARS WITH YOU, IN CASE OF WILD ANIMAL THREATS, AND SIGNAL FOR HELP REPEATEDLY. EVERY HOUR, TRY TO GET YOURSELF RESCUED, FOR AT LEAST FIFTEEN MINUTES, AND TRY NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.