DIARY ENTRY: "THE BRIDGET JONES" DIARY ENTRY:

DEAR DIARY,

I NEED TO BUY RAW VEGGIE PLATTER AND REMEMBER THE TIME I HAD TO FAST FOR THE BLOOD GLUCOSE TEST. DURING THE HORRIFIC COUNTDOWN TO THE EXACT HOUR THE FAST HAD TO BEGIN, MY WILLPOWER FAILED ME.

I INHALED A POUND OF CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE, THIRTY MINUTES RIGHT BEFORE THE FASTING WAS TO BEGIN. QUINOA FLAKES IN LIGHT, SOY MILK WITH BERRIES WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER CHOICE. THIS YEAR, I NEED TO EAT A BOWL OF TASTELESS, TOTAL CEREAL WITH STEVIA POWDER, AS MY "FAST FOOD."

THE FEMALE, U.S. GENERALS PROBABLY EAT ORNISH, INSTEAD OF DEEP-FRIED, CURLY FRIES, FRIED CHICKEN, AND POTATO CHIPS. THE RIPPLING AB NURSES WITH TWO CHILDREN, FROM THE U.S. ARMY, PROBABLY EAT ORNISH INSTEAD OF MCDONALD'S HOT FUDGE, ICE CREAM SUNDAES.

***THESE PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE RHONDA ROUSEY MUST BE INHUMAN, TWINKIE. WHO CAN LIVE ON ANY ORNISH DIET 50% OF THE TIME EVEN?***

***PLEASE, GOD, GIVE ME THE WILLPOWER TO AT LEAST DO MORE SITUPS AND PUSHUPS THIS YEAR. IF I BREAK THIS INTO SMALL REPS, I CAN PROBABLY DO 400 SITUPS/DAY, AND 150 PUSHUPS/DAY, EVERYDAY, WITHOUT STOPPING, FOR THREE MONTHS, BY MY NEXT BIRTHDAY.***