To Feminist, Minority A.C.L.U., N.A.A.C.P., Ms., Lillith Magazine Executives:

For some reason, two, meth-faced, Caucasian, twenties-aged men (customers) were criminally stalking and harassing me at the Westminster, Colorado, Big Lots a couple months ago. They were laughing like drug-addicted gang rapists, and threatening me about how I needed to "watch out for the cops." I was getting pantry food donations for my poor, battered, Mexican-American, African-American neighbors. I used my debit card, so please find those Caucasian, male terrorists and all of their people.