UPDATED: TO N.C.I.S., D.E.A., F.B.I., AND ALL U.S. NAVY SEALS FROM ENLISTED:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/afghanistan-isis-state-department-pentagon/?iid=ob_homepage_showcase_pool&iref=obnetwork

ALL OF THE D.C. METRO NEIGHBORS, CLASSMATES AND COWORKERS, WITHIN A 100-MILE RADIUS OF MYSELF WILL NEED TO BE BROUGHT IN, FOR N.C.I.S. TOP SECRET, U.S. NAVY SEALS, WHO ARE AFRICAN-AMERICAN, FROM ENLISTED. THEY WILL ALL REQUIRE A BACKGROUND CHECK, ALL THE WAY BACK TO YEAR 1960, TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT VIET CONG, OR IN ANY TERRORIST ORGANIZATION/S.

***ALL OF AUDREY PETTIS' SOUTH ASIAN FRIENDS ARE GOING TO NEED SPECIAL, PAKISTANI ISIL COUNTER-TERRORISM INTERROGATORS TO SCREEN THEM FOR HAVING ME RAPED AT THE DENVER VA MEDICAL CENTER.***