TO ALL DAM NECK, VIRGINIANS:

PLEASE CHANNEL EVERY DECEASED, CHRISTIAN, U.S. SPECIAL FORCES FROM THE VIRGINIAN SIDE OF D.C. METRO. SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT EVERYOME TODAY, AND SAY "BULLSHIT, BITCHES AND ASSHOLES," WHILE MINCING, THEN ARRANGING SEAL MEAT TARTARE AND CAVIAR INTO LITTLE TAPAS PLATES. USE A LITTLE DIVING KNIVES AND MEAT CLEAVERS FOR THIS.