TO ALL COLORADANS:

http://mobile.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSKCN0VL1CT

AS AMERICAN CONSUMERS BECOME CONFIDENT, THEY ARE RECOMMENDED FOR THE WALK OF SHAME, UP TO THE MOTHER CABRINI SHRINE, TO FACE THE JESUS STATUE. IT WILL NOT EMBRACE THEM WITH LOVE. A FEMALE VETERAN WILL QUICKLY REMIND THEM TO SPONSOR A DISADVANTAGED CHILD, FROM THE COMMUNITY, OTHERWISE THEY WILL SUFFER ETERNAL DAMNATION, HELLFIRE, AND ENDLESS TORTURE, IN THE AFTERLIFE. FEMALE PETTY OFFICERS, FROM VIRGINIA, EXIST TO HOLD A GAVEL AND SLAM IT DOWN, WITH RUTHLESS FINALITY, AFTER CALLING OUT THEIR NAMES, BEFORE THIS HOLY MUSTER OCCURS IN THE U.S.