TO ALL FEMALE, MINORITY, D.C. METRO SUBWAY RIDERS:

AFTER INSTALLING IRIS-SCANNERS AT ALL BANKS, PLEASE TRY TO GET N.C.I.S. TO SNIPE DOWN ALL SUSPECTS ON THE NO-FLY LIST WITH TRANQUILIZER DARTS. THE FELONS AND EX-FELONS NEED TO BE BROUGHT IN, TO MASS, U.S. MILITARY TRIBUNALS WITH DEATH PENALTIES. PLEASE CONTACT N.C.I.S. AND C.I.A. ABOUT THE POSSIBLE, NEW SUSPECTS, IN GROUPS OF 5,000 FEMALE VOLUNTEERS OVER AGE 18, PAIRED INTO TEAMS OF TEN.