UPDATED: TO FIREFIGHTERS AT A.C.L.U., AND N.A.A.C.P.:

http://www.greatbigstory.com/stories/aged-whiskey-in-24-hours

PLEASE GATHER ALL CHEMICAL ENGINEERS, WITH A.T.F., F.B.I., AND D.E.A., TO TRY TO AGE WINE, CHAMPAGNE, SINGLE-MALT SCOTCHES,  AND WHISKEY IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. THE U.S. NEEDS THESE PATENTED PROCESSES, TO CREATE MORE JOBS, AND PAY OFF OUR THIRTY PLUS TRILLION U.S.D. DEFICIT. PLEASE SEE IF WE CAN ACCELERATE THE AGED CHEESE AND AGED BEEF PROCESSES.