UPDATED: TO ALL COLORADO PTA MUMS:

PLEASE ASK ALL WAL-MART EXECUTIVES TO OVERSEE MAKING THIS AVAILABLE: JPMA-CERTIFIED, COMPLETE BABY TRAVEL SYSTEMS FOR FAMILIES WITH ONE INFANT, ONE TODDLER AND ONE FIRST GRADER. IDEALLY, THIS WOULD BE TRIPLE BABY JOGGER STYLED, INCLUDE ONE INFANT SNAP-IN CAR SEAT, BE PRICED UNDER $300, BE GENDER NEUTRAL-COLORED, HAVE UMBRELLAS WITH UPF 75 FABRIC, BE RAIN-PROOFED, BE UNDER TWENTY POUNDS IN TOTAL WEIGHT, AND FIT INSIDE OF A HONDA FIT-SIZED CAR EASILY. THE ENTIRE STRUCTURE AND FABRIC HAS TO BE BRIGHT RED AND REFLECTIVE WITH HIGHLY VISIBLE LIGHTS FOR STREET SAFETY. IN CASE OF MOUNTAIN LIONS, IT NEEDS TO INCLUDE A LOUD FOG HORN ALARM.