TO F.D.A., N.A.A.C.P. AND A.C.L.U.:

THE VOLUNTEERS OF ONE BRICK LANE (DENVER, CO: MEETUP GROUP) WILL ALL NEED FREE, RETINAL-SCANNING, AND LEGITIMATE DRUG-TESTING. PLEASE ALSO, OFFER ALL OF THEM FREE ANNUAL, MAYO CLINIC, MEDICAL PHYSICALS, AND PRESERVATIVE-FREE FLU SHOTS. HOPEFULLY, EACH CAN RECEIVE FOUR NIGHTHAWK DETECTORS, AND A BRAND-NEW, $20,000 FURNACE, WITH FREE INSTALLATION VOUCHER.