UPDATED: TO ALL U.S. MILITARY ENLISTED, AND ALL NATIVE AMERICANS:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/03/03/bird-poop-does-number-iowas-capitol-lawmakers-say/81295942/

PLEASE SECURE CHICKEN WIRE FENCING, AND BUILD ROOFTOP TRAPS WITH FOOD-ALCOHOL FERMENTED GRAINS/CORN MEAL, TO TRAP AND INEBRIATE THESE CROWS. THEY NEED TO BE BROUGHT IN, WITH A NATIVE AMERICAN TECHNIQUE OF CAPTURING WILD BIRDS, FOR BIRD FLU STUDIES. THEY'RE POOPING ON ALL OF THE PUBLIC, PRIVATE ANTENNAS, DAMAGING EXPENSIVE SECURITY, AND COMMUNICATION NETWORKS IN THE METRO AREAS.

***PLEASE REMIND EVERYONE TO HAVE A HUNDRED ELECTRICAL TECHNICIANS VERIFY ALL ANTENNAS ARE NOT TRANSMITTING, AND/OR RECEIVING, ARE COMPLETELY UNPLUGGED FROM ALL POWER SOURCES, INCLUDING BACKUP/FAILOVER, U.P.S., BACKUP POWER GENERATOR ONES, DURING BIRD POOP REMOVAL, TO PREVENT ELECTROCUTION FATALITIES.***