UPDATED: Dear "Twinkie," You'll Need To Be The King To My "King Gurl Power" Short Story:

Dear "Twinkie,"

I stood on my welcome mat with positive affirmations and decided that you've become my practical inspiration for the year. I'll "Believe In My Dreams," as my welcome mat reminds me, however I have a physical fitness goal again to eat more fresh fruit and get more cardio. I hope you're doing well and found time to become the fashionable one from 'A' school, for my sake, since I never achieved that goal. Remember, you'll need a short, assymetrical, straight, black wig, to perform those U.S. NAVY SEAL push-ups and 28 more versions of those plyometrics called "mountain climbers," because I haven't learned how to do those yet. Nub you. Remember, try to karaoke this song at a mezzo soprano octave while working out in a wig, as it's our "anthem song of the day."
https://youtu.be/PHzOOQfhPFg

Cheers,
Wynn

P.S. If this all becomes lowercases, and arranged in a heart-shape, than it's an e.e. cummings-inspired poem for your birthday present this year.