To All N.C.I.S., F.B.I., African-American, U.S. Special Forces, & D.E.A. S.O.D.:

Yesterday evening, there was a vehicle with QEE-... Colorado license plate in the Highlands Ranch, Walmart parking lot and they probably vandalized my tire pressure. Please bring in all the ecstasy drug distribution cartels in that area in, with QEE license plates. Also, please check every single employee there for drugs and retinally scan them. Please arrest and re-interrogate every single terrorist I have reported on my blog again.