To Feminist, African-American, Muslim N.A.A.C.P.: Fundraiser Recipe Idea: Ganauche ChocoBerry Cake Pops, With Salted Caramel Toppings

I have become a chocolate ganauche cake fanatic since living in Australia. Recently, I have discovered Starbucks' salted caramel cake pops, which has essential amino acids and minerals for high-altitude sweet tooths. How come health foods don't taste this way? Hopefully, they can create a similar cake pop but use ChocoBerry cake dough, from Garden Greens, sprouted chia seeds' flour, organic stevia powder and fair-wage carob chips.

If we cut 75% of the glycemic index load from Starbucks' menu, we won't need to frantically burn calories like that main character from "Bridget Jones' Diary," or cry about the Swimsuit Illustrated covers, which require aggressive, feminist, class-action lawsuits on behalf of impoverished, African-American, Hispanic-American, and Asian-American elderly.

It's nothing personal against these crack-addicted, waif models, but they'll need to be blamed for Big Fat by pregnant, Jamaican- American D.E.A. agents also. As I contemplate my sharpened red, painted nails, and listen to Volbeat's "A Warrior's Call" song, I know it's time again, to rally every Muslim-American mother in the ghettos to another class-action lawsuit, until they stop offering our children at Super Target those narcoculture, pedophilia-designed girls' bikinis in the swimsuit section.