Questions & Answers For Latchkey Children:

Children in Alabama probably have secret questions for those shoeboxes, in physical education classes. I'm going to guess those questions.

Secret Question #1:

Since I'm a boy, but frequently have gone through my older sister's clothing, nail polish and makeup collection, am I a cross-dresser/transgengered/gay? People at church/synagogue/mosque/temple who wear rich clothes say so to me. I drew a Superman "S" on my chest with my sister's lipstick and showed it to them. They say that I'm gay now.

Answer:

No, you're definitely not. Many boys get into their mother's makeup, perfumes, high heels, clothing, even put on pantyhose, and are not GLBT/transgendered/gay/cross-dresser. All children will tend to treasure hunt for any possible things, in attics, closets, or cosmetics organizers, which only indicates their intelligence.

Smart monkeys and primates will also be more likely to look around, and try to figure out what they have not received as presents. If other monkeys got it, but they themselves didn't, that could threaten their social status.

Hopefully, you didn't make mirror artwork (huge, uncontrolled murals while high on soda/sweet tea/Kool-Aid) with all of her eyeliners, and can use oil pastels, on a canvas from the art store instead. See if the adults can get you that and tell on all the bullies to the Moms with babies.

Question:

Will lack of ejaculation lead to any "build-up," such as my semen/sperm/ejaculatory fluids collecting anywhere down there, thereby leading to physical damage to my private parts?

Answer:

No, and furthermore, masturbation can not literally cause any blindness.

Question:

I'm four years old, and in Kindergarten. I have never seen a television until now. I just came over from Pakistan. I've been learning to speak English, but I don't understand those scary pictures of moving, speaking monsters on the T.V. Can those cartoon monsters or horror movie monsters actually come out of the screen?

Answer:

No, the television can not do any of those creepy things, because it's only a plastic box, with wires, and plastic parts inside of it, to carry pictures at a fast speed by invisible "over-the air radio waves" in the air. The electricity within it, the wall outlet, and cords are dangerous though.

Trying to put a wire hanger into the wall outlet where it plugs in by a cord, or playing with the television set using tools, isn't safe. The pictures could be coming from a box called a DVD player/PlayStation, a satellite dish, or from a large transmitting tower to your television's antenna. Sometimes fiber optic or coaxial cables deep underground carry those pictures to you. Find someone to teach you how to turn the television set off with both a remote control, and by pressing a button (power/on/off) on the television.

***Hopefully, all P.E. teachers from Head Start and up can start a Secret Questions shoebox, to answer any rumors that have unfortunately become a "fact" at churches, or on the playgrounds, or by other people, who may be bullying the young, challenged, illiterate, poor, ESL or immigrant community.***